These are classified ads, which were actually allegedly placed in a UK newspaper.
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES.
1/2 Cocker Spaniel,
1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
No longer needed....got married....wife knows everything.
THOUGHT FROM THE GREATEST LIVING SCOTTISH THINKER - BILLY CONNOLLY.
"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time."