Guess the profession

[Yorkshireman]

A shepherd was looking after his flock on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche creeched to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie got out and said: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them ?"

The shep herd looked at the young man, and then looked at the large flock of grazing sheep and replied "Okay". The young man parked the car, connected his laptop to the mobile-fax, entered a NASA website, scanned the ground using his GPS, opened a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then printed out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turned to the shepherd and said: "You have exactly l586 sheep."

The shepherd cheered: "That’s correct; you can have your sheep."

The young man took one of the animals from the flock and put it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looked at him and asked: "If I guess your profession, will you retum my animal to me ?"

The young man answered: "Yes, why not ?"

The shepherd said: "You are an auditor".

"How did you know ?" asked the young man.

"Very simple," answered the shepherd. "Firstly, you came here without being asked. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don’t understand anything about my business.

Now. Can I have my dog back ?"



No offense, please
Johannes

[crabsign69]

   thats good   

[Yorkshireman]

Lean local government

Two Irishmen were working for the city public works department.

One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn‘t understand what they were doing, So he asked the hole digger, "I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don’t get it - why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again‘?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normialiy a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

Johannes