John, I`m certainly no expert, as you know I`m very much learning but I`ve actually been visiting a friend who has built a CNC router out of MDF!!! It is amazing, works a treat and you would be blown away by its capability. He has used V-carve Pro to cut an amazing door sign and also some nice parts for a plastic plane. Obviously the limitation is that with it being MDF it has not got the strength and can only cut wood and ally. He actually has used proper slides and slide bearings and an achne lead screw in each axis and the stepper motors and drivers are nearly a good few hundred alone. He is about to strip it down and rebuild in ally sides. It really blew me away!
Anyway, regarding driving the motor directly to the spindle, this is what all those "in the know" seem to do over on CNC zone. If it is a copy of the X2 style machine, I would like to see a picture if you have one. What is the use for the handle at the other side and if it is of limited use I would be tempted to remove one of them and couple the motor on that side. Use an Oldham coupling to give you some leaway in alignment. Regarding your question about driving the motor when off, no there is absolutely no resistance and no damage can be done to the motor - you don`t have to disconnect. That is the beauty of the stepper motor, when they are powered down it is as though they are not even there!
I don`t see anyway your going to easily couple the motor without removing one of the handles....
Regarding CNC not being for you, I started to CNC my little lathe after only 4-5 months in machining. I`m sure many on here would call me an idot but I`ve learnt a lot from playing about and I`m learning all the time. I think the biggest problem with CNC is the equipment involved and the various settings that are possible - best thing is to do as you have, buy the motor the driver, plug it in and give it a go.
First thing I did was load up Mach3 and couple my motor and driver and just get it to jog without being attached to anything. Once it is jogging you can then couple it to your machine and your up and running.
Let me know how it goes and hopefully when I get my little X-axis controller running, if it is any good then it should only cost about £15 to make them .... if you get it up and running I may send you one over to test. Have you put your Quasar driver together yet? I looked at those and nearly bought one but for the extra I decided on a MotionControl and ArcEuro.